I am the only one who thinks I'm going crazy.

Dispatches from home.

Mom: "You're the only one who knows what's right for you."

Dad: "I always thought he was a little selfish."

Mom: "It's better you realized how you feel now than later."

Dad: "You need to focus on getting the next step of your own life together--not in a selfish way, but you do have a bunch of stuff coming up fast."

Mom: "Want to watch What Not to Wear?"

Dad: "Want to listen to Buddy Guy?"

This weekend, man. This weekend made me feel loved and friendless and liberated and blackly depressed, all while I was hungry but disgusted by food, checking my cell phone every ten seconds (YES, I KNOW nobody's called, texted, or raindanced at me; I KNOW it's really unlikely; I KNOW this itchy, crawly, impatient dreadful unfufilled anticipation just makes me more bored and useless and depressed, but I can't help checking, oh sweet Christ on a cracker I wish I could), reading, realizing I can still play the piano, staring at the TV, and crying and listening to Oasis and the Tragically Hip and drinking the single-serving bottle of wine that has been marinating in the bottom of my bottom sock drawer since a guy gave it to me a year and a half ago as an end-of-sophomore-year present.

"Vaccination Scar," by the Tragically Hip

I got back to BF's Facebook page filled status updates that shocked me because they sounded neutrally cheerful. Since when the fuck does he go to the library unless I (his little book nerd) suggested it?
I feel like such a bad person for being angry about this. I want to see he's hurting too, dammit.

I can't stand the stillness of being completely alone. I know I have to get through it but right now I feel like a pile of shit with amazing typing skills.

It wasn't always this way. It isn't always this way, I should say to greet the day. Sometimes it feels great.

Mom also said I shouldn't feel obligated to tell them everything about my life. Really? That's contradictory to the vibe I get every time I contact them (especially on the phone).
Like when I told her a couple hours later that I'm off birth control and plan on being celebate until next semester starts? That's probably what she meant.
To be fair, that's not a typical conversation I'd have with anyone related to me.